Closing the Loop

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Trigger warning: This story is about the end of life for our dear dog Leo.

I'm here to tell you about the sweetest goodbye. Leo crossed the rainbow bridge surrounded by family while holding his ball in his mouth last Wednesday.

It was the end I could only hope for, though I admit to never wanting an end at all. It sneaks up on us, that closing of the loop for our beloveds, whether four-legged or two-legged.

3 weeks ago, I was shocked to discover Leo had a tumor in his spleen. His walks of 8 miles a day shrunk to a backyard amble. His voracious appetite turned into a nibble here and there.

Our vibrant and athletic dog, barely grey at the age of ten, slowed to nearly a stop as cancer consumed him.

From my vantage point today, I can see the gift of Seda's shoulder injury and the twist of my knee last March. These "setbacks" made for half-length walks through the summer, with only one of us capable of safely walking him each day.

Those shorter walks likely gifted Leo a few months as the cancer spread. Just enough time to see his boys return from their work in Alaska. Just enough time for our family to come together for his last lap. Nothing excited Leo more than to hear his boys at the door.

Only in hindsight do we see our challenges as the gifts they are.

When Leo refused his pain meds and venison jerky yesterday, we understood his wishes.

Leo gathered his energy for one last game of ball, thanks to Trinidad's suggestion. He sat for some time taking each of us in with his liquid brown eyes.

Bert, the veterinarian who came to assist in Leo's transition has been a friend of his for some time. Leo rested easy into her care.

We rained tears of grief and love into our dog's brindle coat, as his breathing faded softly into stillness. Then we built a fire. I laid with Leo in the living room through the night, accompanying him in my heart to the place where he crossed over.

I imagined Leo being met by Harley, who passed last year. I swear I heard the sharpening of her kitty claws on the rug beside me, and I jumped.

In the darkness, I settled into expansiveness, at ease, knowing that Leo's bright soul is now without limits. The fire in the stove cast its golden light all around.

This is the bridge of goodbye across hearts, from one plane to the next.

There is peace here, and there is love. There's no place I'd rather be.